Nighttime
8 pm.
Boy, something smells good. Patience, Ralph, patience.
9 pm.
Good thing these humans are such slobs! They left the dishes in the sink (barely scraped) and
crumbs everywhere. Best of all, the lid on the trash can is loose. Can you say party time?!
9:30 pm.
It's lights off as the humans go out. One wave of my antennae tells me there is some good grub
around. I'm even getting a whiff of some delicious rancid milk. Time to venture forth. Yup, I was
right! I meet up with some family and friends already at work on the garbage can. We all eat gobs
of chicken skin, take sips of old beer, and finish off with rotting peach skins. I'd give this meal
five stars!
10:30 pm.
I'm stuffed. I barely make it up to my bed on top of a kitchen cabinet. This is a great place to
smell everything going on, especially any cute female that may be interested in a male cockroach
like myself. Here I am, ladies!
11 pm.
I'm still here, girls. Where are you?
12 am.
Disaster again! When the humans get home, they flip on a light and discover hundreds of my pals
feasting on the trash. Boy, can humans scream! They zapped a bunch of roaches with some nasty
spray. I miss out on a direct hit, but the poison leaves me dizzy. I barely make it to behind the
stove.
2 am.
I think I smell a hot babe, but it may just be the bug spray. I'm going to find a new hiding place.
Off to behind the recycling bin.
5 am.
I see the sun peeking into the kitchen. Time for bed.
Goodnight, diary.
Love, Ralph
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